Episode 25: Very special update on our IVF journey. We are having a baby!!!

Reid + Cari open themselves up to sharing an update on their In vitro fertilization (IVF) process after unsuccessful attempts and having a miscarriage.  They get intimate with their story and open up in hopes of helping others that struggle with pregnancy in hopes to normalize the experience.

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a complex series of procedures used to help with fertility or prevent genetic problems and assist with the conception of a child.

Questions or comments to Reid + Cari, email: thehawaiicouplepodcast@gmail.com

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Transcript

Reid: 0:06

For those of you that have been listeners of our podcast, you might remember back in episode seven, we talked about our fertility journey, and tonight we're gonna update you on that. It's been a little while, uh, but this process, as we know, firsthand takes a while. Uh, so we wanted to spend some time and update, uh, all of our listeners out there and just let you know what's going on with our fertility journey.

Cari: 0:31

So if you haven't listened to that episode, just to kind of recap. So Reid and I have been on a fertility journey now for about, well, since I, I guess you could say mid 2020, um, before that we were just trying naturally, and unfortunately it wasn't happening for us. So, um, right. As a pandemic was starting, we decided to see a fertility doctor. And from there, we, um, to kind of do a fast recap. We did, um, we did about five rounds of II, which is intrauterine insemination, which means basically that, um, the sperm will get inputted into my uterus at the time of ovulation. And, um, you know, that's supposed to just help with making a baby that way. Um, but unfortunately that didn't work for us. And so after that, then I went through the process of an egg retrieval and that was like last year, end of last year. And then this year, or I'm sorry, uh, I'm getting my dates mixed up, sorry. That was the end of 2020. And then in 2021, um, we had, uh, two failed IVFs. Um, and so the first one, like it pretty much the embryo didn't take. And then the second one, uh, we had a miscarriage, so that's kind of where we ended up with that story. So if you wanna go back and listen to that episode, um, I Def, I, you know, we go more into detail about that whole experience and having a MIS and how, you know, how we coped with all of that, because it is definitely, um, not easy going through IVF and, um, you know, going through all of these treatments. And so if this is something that you're going through or, you know, people that are going through it, um, it is, yeah, it's definitely an uphill journey.

Reid: 2:22

It's been a long journey and I didn't personally think that it was gonna take this long for us to get pregnant. Um, and I think most people probably don't come into wanting to have kids, uh, thinking that it's gonna take this long, but for whatever reason, you know, this is the path that we are laid on. And, uh, we went through it and the timing of this, you know, of course we got married in 2018. We started trying about a year later and then all this happened with a pandemic. And so the timing of this wasn't ideal because we had to go through all these things while we were going through a global pandemic. So there were restrictions with medical visits. Uh, I couldn't go to a lot of the appointments as a husband, um, as Carrie was technically the patient in all this. Um, and so there are experiences that we went through in this process during COVID, that might be different from what, uh, others have gone through, uh, as, as a regular, um, during regular IVF, because maybe more people or the couples more engaged, uh, together. But, um, we definitely wanna talk about all that, but like Carrie said, we, where we left you guys off at the end of episode seven, uh, was that we suffered a miscarriage. And that was at that point, the furthest we had gone, uh, along in a pregnancy, uh, we were about four weeks. I believe when we lost the baby might have even been babies. Uh, cuz they, they might have been multiples, but uh, nevertheless we ended up losing, um, the pregnancy at that point. And so, uh, we, we decided to move on. And so we'll pick up from there just to give you guys, uh, an opportunity to hear the rest of our IVs story, uh, because it, it wasn't over.

Cari: 3:59

Yeah. So, um, after that I think Reed and I, we had a conversation and we weren't sure at that time if we wanted to take a break because I think emotionally for me it was taking a toll, you know, and I just, um, I mean, I'm not necessarily like the most emotional person, but I think, I don't know from Reed's perspective, I don't, do you remember kind of

Reid: 4:19

What, yeah, we got into a, we got into a big discussion about this because, um, Carrie's right. She doesn't necessarily get up and down emotionally all that much. Um, but I could see that physically, this takes a toll and if you haven't gone through IVF or even if you had, uh, this is a lot of medication that you're taking, it's a lot of strain on the woman's body, hormones, hormones. It's a lot of doctor's visits. Uh, it's also a lot of money, um, that we, we spent during this time. But mainly after the miscarriage, I think, uh, that's an emotional situation in itself. Right. And both Carrie and I processed that, um, together and separately. Um, and I remember there was one night we were about to go to bed out into a discussion about this. I don't know if you remember this, but uh, there were a lot of tears and a lot of, uh, raising of voices because I think we were both frustrated and uh, for myself anyway, I can speak for me. I hadn't expressed, I guess my sadness in losing the pregnancy, uh, all that much. Um, you know, I, I think as a, as a husband and as a man, I tried to be emotionally supportive and strong. Right. And yeah, and not let it affect me in that way. Uh, because I knew that it was already emotional for Carrie. Uh, so we did have this long discussion that night. Um, and I, at that point encouraged her to take a break because, um, from my perspective, I feel like it's almost like addictive, you know, you can go through the IIS, you go through the IVF rounds and you become almost addicted to it where it's like, you try it, doesn't work. We're gonna try again and you go through it again and you can try it, doesn't work and go through it again. Right. And it's almost like you have this resolve where I'm just gonna get this done. I, I need to get pregnant. Um, and you, you sometimes don't think about the emotion or physical harm you're doing to your body from my perspective. So I had asked Carrie at that point to, you know, let's just take a break, let's take a break for a month or so, and, uh, you know, let your body and, and just let's, let's figure out what we wanna do from there. Yeah.

Cari: 6:20

And I thought about that, you know, and for me, um, I, I didn't know at that point, if I wanted to just like take a break at that time, because I think for me too, I knew that, well, the one good thing about when you have a miscarriage, I feel like is that, you know, that you can get pregnant. And, you know, I felt like within this journey, every time we, we did, um, a transfer or, you know, we did this, then I, I kind of in a way got further along. So I felt like that in, you know, for that, for that second IVF transfer that I could get pregnant, you know? And so then, you know, we kind of tabled that dis discussion and we waited to talk to the IVF doctor and, um, I think between like a miscarriage and when you talk to the doctor next for us, it was probably like, just because, you know, she's so busy and, um, her schedule is just booked. We wouldn't, we weren't able to see her for like a month. And so, I mean that maybe in, in that time too, there was some just healing and some time that we could kind of just breathe a little bit before we saw her again. But when we did see her, she expressed that she, I mean her, well, her recommendation was that we try one more time because she felt like sometimes after miscarriage, then you can get pregnant. And so, you know, we decided to take her up on her recommendation. And so she recommended us to do a natural IVF cycle, which is a little bit different than what we did the first two times, uh, when we had what were basically had failed IVFs. So what a natural IVF cycle is, is basically I would describe it kind of like an IUI and an I IVF put together where like your body will naturally produce, um, like the hormones that it needs to produce. And when it's like the right time for ovulation, basically, then they transfer the embryo into your body. So there's less medication that is used in this process. Um, but for the fertility doctors, like they really have to watch and see like when is the right time to, to do the transfer for your body. So it's just, it takes a little bit more time for this one.

Reid: 8:39

And it's interesting because is when we had the miscarriage, uh, part of the reason why we miscarried might have been because, uh, we weren't taking the right amount of medication. And so, um, I think our doctor was a little bewildered, uh, after the miscarriage, because when she realized that we were taking half the dose of, uh, some of the medications that we were supposed to be taking, but yet still got pregnant. Anyway, I, I feel like this is what prompted her to suggest the natural IVF because Carrie's body was naturally producing these hormones, uh, to be able to support a baby, which in a normal process, as I think about it, like jump starting a, a cold car, right? Like that's never been driven before. Um, you have to really put in a lot of effort and power into jump, starting that car, but a car that's already been run, but shut off and just needs to be turned back on again, it's a lot easier to turn over. So I feel like the first couple of cycles that we went through this, uh, it warms, carries body up into understanding that we are trying to get pregnant. And so this third IVF process, which was the natural process, I gotta admit I had questions about it because, um, my thought process was why change a good thing? You know, we went through two, um, cycles and the last one we got pregnant and we got four weeks in. So why not just do the same thing again, but again, I'm not a medical professional. So we listened to the doctor and, um, we went through this process.

Cari: 10:02

Yeah. And we trusted her. So I think for us, you know, I mean, of course there's, you know, there's HESI, like you feel hesitant or I felt hesitant just because I was scared. And there's just a lot of fear in knowing that it could possibly not happen again. And, you know, there's so many feelings and emotions that I think for me, I felt going through this process for the third time.

Reid: 10:24

So maybe talk a little bit about how you felt, because coming out of the miscarriage, you know, it was super emotional for us, but how did you feel now trying again this third time after we had just had a miscarriage? I think,

Cari: 10:37

Well, I mean, the times before I felt maybe hopeful and this time, I guess I could explain it as just being more careful, you know, because I just was scared of like getting, you know, really sad, right. Again, after hearing it didn't work or just, yeah. So I think for me, I just felt like this time, we're just gonna be very careful about it. You know, we're just, we're just gonna, we're gonna go through it. And if this is the one, then, then this is the one. And if it's not the one, then it's not the one. But I, I think for me logically, I can understand, like I can rationalize with my, in my head, like if this is meant to be, then it'll happen. Um, you know, but still emotionally, it's still hard because you still like, it's something that you really want and that for Reed and I we've been trying for a long time, or I felt, you know, we've been trying for quite a while. And so it just, you know, it's, there's just so many worries and feelings of, you know, hope as well. But, um, your, your emotions I feel are all over the place.

Reid: 11:41

Yeah. I think did we take a trip before this last one we did. Right.

Cari: 11:45

I think we went to, was this

Reid: 11:47

Kawa, we went to Kauai, um, went to Kauai in September, right before the last transfer, um, from the natural IVF. And I thought it was important for us to get away off the island, away from what we were doing. Um, you know, we were also working from home at the time and, you know, caught in this pandemic and it was just, it, it was a lot, right. I mean, there, there wasn't a lot of support. We got, we had each other of course, but, um, you know, it, it seems like you're on an island when these things happened, like literally and figuratively because, uh, you don't know who to go to for support. Like, we didn't have a lot of people that, um, in our life had gone through this process and had been unsuccessful. And so we didn't have that support system. And I, I thought it would be good if we just get away, just get off this island, let's go to quiet. Let's just kind of, uh, check out for a little bit and just be with each other. Right. Remind each other that it's important that we were in this relationship. Uh, and we're just not married just to have a baby. So I think that was good. That helped reset me. I don't know how it did for you. I think it, it worked well for you. Yeah.

Cari: 12:51

I, I think it was just a good, uh, like you said, time away and just to maybe appreciate each other as we are as a couple, you know, I remember really what is important and just that, like re said, it's not our life. Isn't only about having a baby. There are so many more things that we could be enjoying and be grateful for. And so, um, you know, it's doing little things like at that I think really, really helped keep my emotions just more stable as we, as I knew we were going into this next transfer.

Reid: 13:22

Yeah. There's a lot of anxiety, right. I mean, we're, we've been through it twice before we know what's gonna happen, but yet it's still anxiety because, um, we are also down to, um, our last embryos. And, um, for those of you guys that listened, we had three left. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. We're down to our last three embryos. And for those of you guys that listened to episode seven, um, when we had the miscarriage, we put in two, um, so the suggestion this time was to use two of the three and keep one in case we wanted to try again for, for sibling, if it worked right. So, um, this is, this was our reality. And we, I remember thinking like, wow, if this doesn't work, we have to start all over again. You know, we're gonna have to create more embryos. And that's just another long process. And for me, and maybe Carrie, you can talk a little bit how you felt, but for me, I felt like I'm getting old already. We've been at this for about two years. Right. Is it really gonna happen? Uh, I know you and I started talking about adoption. Like, Hey, maybe we should think about that. Um, there were a lot of things that I think were going through our minds and, you know, it's, it's just a lot of anxiety and, you know, coming into that process, we knew like what we were supposed, what we're gonna go through. But yet I think this last one was more excruciating for whatever reason, because we had a successful and then unsuccessful pregnancy.

Cari: 14:45

Yeah, that's true. I think we just, you know, it's like, we just had to put our trust in the doctors and just basically, you know, put our emotions and our fears to the side and just go, go with it. And so that's what we did, you know? And so at the end of October, you know, we had our transfer and like, because it was a natural IVF cycle, then I had to go in like a couple times right before for, um, then they would check my blood and they would, you know, they would check to see if like it was, if my uterus and my ovaries and everything were ready. And, um, like it was delayed a couple days because it wasn't necessarily the right timing. So we had to wait a couple days, but finally at the end of October, we were able to do the transfer right

Reid: 15:30

On Halloween. You're right. Yes, we did it on Halloween. That's scary.<laugh>

Cari: 15:37

Yes, that, that is right. So it was a, it's a, it was a Halloween transfer. And, um, you know, the next couple weeks after that, you're just literally waiting. And you're just, is that two week, week period, right? Two week. It's a little bit. Well for, yeah, it's a little bit less, but about 10 days, it's about a 10 day. Wait, you know, that, you're just wondering, like, did it take, did it not take? And I think too, during this time of the waiting period, I think it just can feel so like lonely because you can't do well for me, you know? And especially because it had a miscarriage before, they're like super careful with me, it was like, no, doing anything, basically like, you know this, no, but like I took off a week of work because, um, I knew that I didn't want any stress on my body. I just wanted to be able to rest and not think about anything. So it basically, you know, it was just like a week at home, you know, just

Reid: 16:34

Watching Netflix and chilling by yourself,

Cari: 16:36

Watching Netflix. I mean, which I can, I can't complain at the same time,

Reid: 16:40

Lot of Korean dramas at that time,

Cari: 16:42

But, you know, really it's, you, it's hard to not think about like, if, if it's taking or if it's not taking, because that's all that's like going through your mind and time just moves so slowly during that process.

Reid: 16:57

Yeah.<laugh> yeah. For both parties, but I can't even imagine how slowly it goes for you because everything that we're banking on is happening inside of your body. Right. And I remember, you know, we got into this whole discussion around you even go into work and I was telling you should just take off, just take off. Yes. I was gonna go to work. Yeah. Yeah. You invested so much in this, like, just sit out, like you don't need to put your body through extra stress. Right. And you were just worried about being bored and I think in your mind, just sitting around and thinking about it, right. Not having something

Cari: 17:30

Well, well, I was also directing a, like, I started directing a show at work. And so for me, I just felt like I had all these responsibilities at, at work that I had to do at the same time, you know, but, but I think Reed always kind of rationalizes, you know, with me, like what, what is really at the, at the core, you know, what is really important. And I mean, he was right that we were spending so much money and so much time on this process that it was worth my time and energy to just take off and just to be as safe as I could, especially during COVID, you know, and I mean the, the counter coming down, I think during this time. So it wasn't like, but you weren't boosted. Yeah. The booster was just coming out too. Yeah. Yeah. So I think for, you know, I mean, there was always that, that, you know, person in the back of my head saying like, you could also get COVID, you know what I mean? So there's, there was so many anxieties that, that I felt, I think during this time,

Reid: 18:27

And to be honest, I, I felt a little disconnected because like I was saying, because it's, COVID like, there were a lot of things that I couldn't be a part of and maybe some husbands are like that, and you'd rather just kind of be disengaged, you know, until it actually happens. But, um, I'm a little bit more hands on. I think, um, you know, I, I wanted to go to all the appointments. I wanted to make sure that I was there listening to what was being said, and I wanted to be a part of it. And it was a little sad to have this timing of what we're going through happened during COVID because I mean, 95% of the appointments and, and the doctor's conversations I wasn't even present for. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, the few times that I were allowed to go in were either because we forced me cuz I was there, or it was an exception that they made, you know, just because Carrie had asked and normally I think in a normal IVF cycle when it's not a pandemic, you know, the husband and wife would be there watching every single ultrasound and listening to every single, um, instruction that's given an appointment. So there's also a lot of pressure on Carrie during this time to make sure she gets everything correct. Because you know, she's basically the only set of ears in the room. That's, that's true. And I'm hearing everything secondhand and I'm not the

Cari: 19:37

Best at that either at listening.

Reid: 19:39

Well<laugh>

Cari: 19:40

Well kind of, especially when it comes to like medical things, like, I, I mean, things gloss over me all the time. So I have to, like, it takes me a little while to, to comprehend everything. And then by then it's like, you know, it's already been said and done. So then I have to go back and ask another question.

Reid: 19:58

<laugh> yeah. So anyway, I mean this, this last time, that, that week two week wait or that 10 day wait was, it was painful. You know, I think I took off some of those those days too. And we sat around at home and we had lot of discussions. I don't know if you remember, but we had a lot of talks during that time around, you know, what if, what if it doesn't work? Um, what if it does work? Right. And I remember you just, not that you were a Debbie downer, but I think you were airing on the side of caution about how to manage your emotions and you were, you know, out there was doubt, I think in your mind, is that fair to

Cari: 20:35

Say? Yeah. I mean, for sure there, there's always, you know, knowing, I, I feel like for, for me and having five IIS that haven't worked and two IVFs then yeah. You know, most it's always been negative until this point, you know? So for me, it's, I'm filled with hope, but at the same time, I also understand that. I mean, you know, what, whatever happens, happens, and it's outta my control. I think at that point,

Reid: 21:05

If you remember back to the miscarriage, right? Like, I mean every little thing, um, that happened, we just weren't sure if that was what was supposed to happen at the time, or, you know, is, is that blood supposed to come out is, you know, are you supposed to be feeling like that? And so I think we're even extra sensitive during this time too, to any little pain you might have had, or, um, you know, watching out for spotting or, you know, any discomfort because we just didn't know if that was normal. Right. I mean, there are so many times that me personally, I think if that were happening to my body, I would be calling the doctor on speed, dial every single hour going, am I supposed to feel this? Am I supposed to feel that right? Because you're just so anxious.

Cari: 21:42

Yeah. And I would have to always calm, read down and be like, it's okay.

Reid: 21:45

It's like, I was the one

Cari: 21:46

Going through through it. It's okay. We can, let's just, you know, let's give it a day and let's see how things

Reid: 21:51

Go.<laugh> uh, let's totally flip the script. But,

Cari: 21:55

But anyways, so after about 10 days, you know, then you take your pregnancy test and, and we cheated. We did no, we didn't cheat. Yes. But I

Reid: 22:03

Cheated you cheated already. You cheated. Okay. So guys, you fine, guys. You're not to take a home pregnancy test. No. They tell you don't do it. They tell you, they tell you whatever you do avoid doing that because it's sometimes gives you false readings. Yep. Right. And because of the hormones that are pumped into your body, it could give you a false reading. You're okay. You're right. I did. So you are not supposed to cheat, but Carrie bless her heart. She

Cari: 22:25

Cheated. Well, okay. Because by this time, by the third time, I'm like, you know what? I just wanna see if it's, to me, if I was gonna have a positive on the home test, then I, I felt like, then it's possible. And where

Reid: 22:38

Were you supposed to go to the doctor? Like the next day? Or maybe,

Cari: 22:40

Maybe. I don't know. But I, I was thinking like, it's probably it's possible that it will be positive on the blood test. So that was my logic. I was, you know, and if it's negative on the home test, then, you know, I can already prepare myself when I do,

Reid: 22:55

Instead of getting disappointed in blood

Cari: 22:57

Tests. Yeah. So that's kind of how I prepared myself before this. I didn't cheat. Like the last, the last two times I didn't take a pregnancy test. Um, like a home one, but this time yes you are correct. And we took more than one. I think it took like three.

Reid: 23:14

Not, not, we, you took more than one. Okay.

Cari: 23:16

Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You didn't

Reid: 23:17

Pee. You didn't. I didn't pee on any stick. Yeah. But so here's the reason why I think this happens is because, like I said, it's anxiety, right? I mean, you, yeah. You want to, you wanna find out what it is because after you go to take the blood test, you basically come home and are waiting for a phone call. And that to me is like the worst thing in the world because you go like Carrie would go early in the morning at like 8:00 AM. Mm-hmm<affirmative> give her blood at the office. And then they tell you, we'll call you around lunch. They'll call you at like one o'clock. And you're literally waiting all morning on pins and needles. Wondering like, when is this phone call coming? And is it going to be a bad phone call? Yeah. So I understand the cheating<laugh>

Cari: 23:57

I wanna, cause I knew I was gonna be at work when the, the phone call was gonna come in. And so I wanted to prepare myself like emotionally, you know? So like if I got the phone call that it was negative, then I, you know, I kind of would already have thought that already. So I was trying to be one step ahead.<laugh>

Reid: 24:14

Well, so shall we talk a little bit about the results of that?

Cari: 24:19

Yeah. So the first result, um, came back, the cheating result, the cheating result came back positive. So I got two lines and I never really got two lines, I think. No, actually I, yeah. Yeah. I never really got two lines. I think this was the first time. So it was like, you know, in my heart I was like, oh my gosh, like this could actually be the one like this could be, you know, true. Right. So I, I kind of thought like it was a strong double line. It wasn't like, you know, faint or anything. So I, well, I mean, cuz it matters cuz it matters how much HCG is in your system. So after we took the home test and it was positive, then the next day, you know, I was waiting and phone call came in like about what one o'clock. So I took the phone call and um, you know, the nurse was like, Carrie, you know, I have some really, really good news. Um, I got your numbers back and you know, I think act okay, I'm sorry. Wait, I have to rewind a little bit because what happens at the IVF office is you take a, you take a test like a blood test and then you wait to date two days and then you take another one. So they actually don't tell you what the results are on the first day. They wait till the third day, like when you take your second blood test to tell you the results

Reid: 25:37

And it's because they wanna see an increase in the HCG

Cari: 25:39

Level, right. It's supposed to at least double or triple double, I believe, at least I think

Reid: 25:45

At least double it's supposed toe grow. Yes. In, in number over the course of the two

Cari: 25:50

Days after I took the second blood test, then um, you know, the nurse called me, she said, Carrie, I have some really, really good news. Uh, the test came back and you know, your numbers doubled or more than doubled, I think. Um, and so that's really, really good. You know, this is just the initial stages, but so far, you know, congratulations, you're pregnant. Like it's, you know, it's really, really good. So it's very inside. Actually. I felt like I was relieved. It wasn't even like, I didn't even feel like jumping off for joy or anything cuz I felt like I knew that it was still really, really early and that anything could happen, you know, I didn't wanna be celebrating. And then all of a sudden like get my heart broken or something. So I just felt like a sigh of relief. I dunno. How did you feel when I told you that?

Reid: 26:37

I think I felt the same. Um, I was at work when you called me and I was happy and excited, but at the same time you don't wanna get too excited because we've been down this road before. Right. It happened once before I got super excited. I started telling people that our levels are high and I think we're pregnant or the second time you did the first time or the first time. And, and, and it's because I was excited right. The second time I think I learned to temper that expectation because now having gone through it, you realize, wow, this is way too early to call. And up until this point, I always wondered why people wait until like the second trimester to announce that they're pregnant. I always thought, Hey, if you're pregnant, why don't you just tell people? But now I totally understand why, because you know, it's truly, really not a viable pregnancy until after that first trimester they're let, there's a lot that could go wrong. Yeah.

Cari: 27:25

Yeah. So, I mean, so after that then, you know, I even more so the doctors are like, you know, so just make sure you're drinking lots of water, you know? Absolutely. Like no exercise don't lift anything, no sex. Yes. That too, like, you know, basically go to work and go home. So, and no sex<laugh>. And so I did that. Right. And it just, that whole time was just filled with so much anxiety, I would say, because it inside you're ex you're relieved, but at the same time, now there's worry because now you feel like, oh my gosh, like, am I gonna lose this pregnancy? Or am I going to, you know, is it gonna be, is it gonna stick? You know? So it's kind of like now it's like, you have like the piece of gold, but are you gonna keep holding onto it? I think that's even more, uh, stressful or maybe I don't know about more, but it just feel, feels, feels like a different feeling that I felt that when we were trying to get pregnant,

Reid: 28:28

So here we are, we have a positive pregnancy, uh, and we're being very cautious, you know, uh, Carrie's going back to work and uh, we're trying not to do anything too strenuous. Um, we, we let our families know at that time, but it was just our immediate family and we just want wanted them to, to know because they've gone through the journey with us. Um, but just tempering expectations is still super early on and we don't know what's gonna happen. Right. And so from that point on you, you hit these milestone visits, these milestone doctor visits, where, um, almost every other week we're going in to see the fertility doctor and they're checking to make sure everything is still,

Cari: 29:06

Still good. Well basically they wanna see too, if your numbers go up. So it's still like a blood test cuz it, you know, the embryo is still so small at that, at that point. So really they're just looking to see if your, um, HCG levels are like exponentially rising every time you go in for the blood

Reid: 29:22

Test. Yeah. And in IVF you want to get to the six week more because at the six week mark, they take an ultrasound and at that ultrasound you can see the embryo and um, that's the first time you're gonna see your baby. Um, so, and I, I believe at that point you can also hear the heartbeat. We actually had to accelerate that. And we went in early because, uh, we went on a family trip, uh, to the big island, uh, for Thanksgiving. And so that Thanksgiving weekend was just shy of our six weeks.

Cari: 29:51

It was like five and a half weeks or something.

Reid: 29:53

Yeah. So, you know, we're also a little apprehensive about traveling at that time, because again, COVID, um, Carrie wasn't booster, uh, are we okay taking a flight? Right. The baby was like a poppy seed. Yeah. We're gonna be, um, you know, doing a lot of walking around while we're on the big island with family and, and things like that. So just wanted to make sure that we're okay. So Carrie had to get the clearance from the doctor and they said it was good. Um, but what they did was they accelerated our ultrasound to, to the day that we're leaving on the trip. Um, and they wanted to make, just make sure that there was something still in there.

Cari: 30:25

And that was actually our graduating appointment at the fertility doctor. Right. Because our six week appointment, so we saw, um, you know, we saw our doctor and um, she, you know, that was our first ultrasound where we got to see the baby and we, you were with me, right? Yeah.

Reid: 30:43

They made an exception to let me in. Yeah.

Cari: 30:45

So they said that he could come in and um, you know, we got to hear the heartbeat. And so it was definitely like just a sigh of relief that, um, you know, it just made it reassured me at that moment that there actually is something in my belly and that, um, it's alive<laugh>

Reid: 31:05

And, and we even heard a heartbeat. We

Cari: 31:07

Did hear a heartbeat. And so I think for the first time both re and I were very, um, no, no, we were, we, we were really excited.

Reid: 31:14

Um, yeah, I think at that moment we kind of let some emotion out, which maybe you and I were holding into maybe, um, I, I immediately hugged our doctor<laugh><laugh>. I think it even made promises to name the baby after her, if the baby kept going along this process. But, um, we were very, very happy at that moment and, uh, could leave on our trip, uh, knowing that it was safe to fly and that there was a viable baby within Carrie and that we were gonna be parents.

Cari: 31:41

Yeah. You know, that was definitely, um, a really nice moment. And so just to kind of continue on our journey, you know, after that, then, um, you have an eight week appointment. Uh, and then for that one, we saw our same fertility doctor, but we saw her in her or I saw her in just her private practice. So not at the fertility clinic. Um, and I at eight weeks, were you with me? No, I think you were FaceTiming in. Yeah. Um, our baby looked like a gummy bear and so, um, we got to see our baby again and, um, just know that the baby's healthy and you know, every time I, I see the baby on ultrasound, I feel a little bit more reassured that this pregnancy is real. And I think for me, it's been, it's taken a long time to believe that it's real just because of everything we've gone through. And so like, you know, people will ask me questions about names and all these kind of stuff. And up until like maybe a certain point, I didn't wanna talk about any of that kind of stuff, cuz I just didn't, I didn't want to, I didn't want to like maybe get my hopes up or just be like too excited about everything just until I knew that like we were in the clear. And so I think at eight weeks we felt a little bit more reassured, um, and just excited, you know, that this, this could be your baby and this could be, you know, our yeah, our baby. Um, and so currently I guess we can fast forward to now we are currently now almost 16 weeks pregnant. We're about 15 and a half weeks pregnant. And so that's almost at the four month mark. And um, I think, you know, we I've come to terms and I'm, I am excited, but at the same time I still feel very, very cautious about the whole pregnancy. Um, but I am excited that, uh, we are, I'm carrying a child and that I am pregnant and it's taken us a long time, but you know, know it's just, it definitely was worth, um, just everything that we had to go through I think to get here. And so, yeah, I don't know. What do you, what do you, I don't

Reid: 33:51

Think, I don't think I changed the journey for anything because, um, we really, I think had to go through that to understand what it means to be parents, um, while we don't have the child in front of us right now. And, um, we'll also tell you that, you know, now that we're in this second trimester, uh, we've begun telling more people and we know the, the gender and we are having a girl, little baby girl. Yes. You are having a girl. Um, so you know, now knowing that, um, you know, she's real. Um, but yet she's not out yet. Um, it's still taught us, I think a lot about being parents and um, just appreciative of being pregnant, you know, and you think, and you hear about all these stories about people that just get pregnant and you know, or some I've even had friends, um, that talk about like how they wish they weren't pregnant or I wish I didn't this baby. Right. And I, I now I think to myself, like why it's such a miracle that it even happens. I know, you know, and, and, and just the fact that it took this long for us. I think I, I treasure the fact that we went through all this because it brought Carrie and I closer together. I think IVF could also tear a couple apart. I mean, it, it is a very stressful and emotional, uh, procedure, but for us it worked the opposite. It brought us together. It, um, allowed me as a husband to support her, uh, and to empathize with what was going on. Um, because let's be real. Like you can't see what's going on inside of, inside of the other person. And so you don't really know whether or not it's working or it's not working, but, um, I also am very, um, proud and, and very, uh, happy that, you know, you're gonna get what you want as well, because I know for you, uh, the wife, the woman has to go through a lot more than the guy. Um, you know, I was just happy. I got to give shots, but, um, for Carrie, she has to, you know, be on a, a drug schedule and eat healthy and take care of her body and, you know, mentally stay sane during this entire time yet still have to manage life, you know? So, um, you do whatever you can, right? Like, I don't think, um, Carrie cooked to dinner for a long, long time. Right? I mean, I, I would the first trimester, no, no, not one night. I would come home every day from work and I would make dinner. Yeah. I was pretty exhausted the first trimer. I mean, you do whatever you can because you just wanna support. And for us, I think the milestone was getting to that second trimester because we knew that the exponential rate of miscarriage would go down, um, a whole lot. We went into that second trimester. So now we feel a lot safer. Um, Carrie's getting bigger. I am,

Cari: 36:24

I am, I'm, I'm getting used to my body

Reid: 36:27

<laugh>, which is changing every day. Every morning. It looks different

Cari: 36:30

Every morning. Yes. But you know, at the same time I am grateful because I know that people that, I mean, there's so many people that are still trying to get pregnant and there's so many people that have gone through probably more miscarriages and more, you know, heartbreaking experiences than Reid and I, and so I'm grateful that, um, that we are pregnant. And I know that, you know, for those of you listening that are out there that are on this journey as well, like, um, you know, I just encourage you to just, you know, don't give up and to keep trying,

Reid: 37:04

I, I think my advice would be just enjoy the journey, right. Enjoy the journey that you're on because, um, it's unique. I don't think, um, you know, a whole lot of people get the opportunity to, to carry a baby, uh, let alone try to have a, a baby. And for, for me, when I say enjoy the journey, it's really enjoy it with your spouse because it's, during this time that you're gonna learn a lot about each other and about, especially about how people handle adversity and, and failure. Um, so, so really enjoy, uh, the fact that you're going through this because it could be really, really easy to get caught up in the that's true of it's not happening. It's not my time. Why, why me, why me and, and feel sorry for yourself. And I think a lot of what success in this process looks like is having a good, positive mindset. And there were times that trust me, Carrie and or myself, had to remind the other person to be more positive about a thing, but in the, in the end, it's all worth it.

Cari: 38:03

Yeah. So if you're going through this journey too, you know, I just encourage you to keep, like Reid said, just keep going and just have that, um, heart of gratitude, you know, because I think that's, that's all we can do. And there's certain things in our life that are out of our control. And I feel like this is definitely one of them, you know, and that things happen for a reason. And when it's the right time for somebody or for a couple, then it will happen. And so I just have to, I just had to always tell myself that, you know, that if it's gonna, if it's the right time and this is the right embryo, this is the right baby. Right. Then it'll happen. And so, um, that's how I kind of kept myself sane, I guess,

Reid: 38:49

But by no means, are we out of the woods? Oh yeah. We're, we're, we're still in it. We're still in it

Cari: 38:55

Every day. I still feel anxiety. Yeah.<laugh>

Reid: 38:56

But every day it's, it's, it's kind of cool because we know that we're gonna be one day closer to being a parent. Um, and I think what happens now is every single doctor's appointment becomes more important. Right. I mean, I'm constantly asking Carrie, when's your next appointment? When's your next appointment? Because to me it's like a, my L stone. If we pass that, then you can move on to the next one. Right. Um, so we appreciate everybody who's been listening and who had listened to episode seven and, and really reached out to us, uh, because of our IVF journey. You know, we're very happy to say it worked. Um, but we also understand that it doesn't work for a lot of people. And so humbly we say, thank you for supporting us. Uh, but for those of you that are still out there trying, like Carrie said, keep going, because it's totally possible. And, uh, you just have to believe that it's gonna happen and it'll happen.

Cari: 39:44

Yeah. And, you know, we will continue to update you on this journey that we're going through as being now pregnant and, um, you know, all the things that go along with that. And, um, cuz there's a lot I, and that I'm learning too as, um, as a pregnant person.<laugh> so it's been, it's been fun. So yeah. We'll, you know, we'll do periodic updates as well and yeah,

Reid: 40:07

We'll do like pregnancy update corner or something, every single podcast. Uh, and we'll update you guys on where we are in the pregnancy. And as a

Cari: 40:16

Long as we don't have a guest, cuz it'd be great if we add a

Reid: 40:18

Guest, well, we can add it on at the end. Okay.<laugh> yeah. So we'll do that. We'll update you guys through, uh, the podcast as well as on Carrie's YouTube channel. Um, we are going to, uh, announce our pregnancy on the YouTube channel. Yes. But

Cari: 40:29

Podcast listeners actually get to hear it first because this podcast will come out on a Monday and my YouTube video will come on a Wednesday. So you guys are very special and um, you know, you'll hear the news before all the YouTube listen, all the YouTube Watchers subscribers get to hear the news.

Reid: 40:49

This, uh, podcast has been about relationships and we're about to start, uh, our journey on bringing into this world the most, very important to us, which will be our child. So, uh, we're happy that you guys are along with us and thank you guys for all the support and we'll update you every episode with what's going on with Carrie's pregnancy all the way up to when we deliver. Ooh.

Cari: 41:11

So keep by, wait, we didn't say that like when babies due oh baby is due in July. So we, we have about five more months to go. Yeah. Five more months.

Reid: 41:24

Yeah. So exciting. All right. So keep updated on what's going on in our life and carries pregnancy, uh, and us bringing a child into this world, scary, uh, through all of our social media and our YouTube. So you can find us on Instagram at the Hawaii couple on Facebook, uh, at the Hawaii couple podcast. Uh, you can follow us on YouTube, Carrie Tyra, and also carries blog, Hawaii food and family.com. If you haven't already, uh, please, um, like, and comment, um, on apple podcast for this podcast, it helps drive up our ratings and it really helps us promote what we're doing here, which is, uh, promoting a positive message about relationships. So, uh, thank you. Thank you everybody for listening and we'll see you in the next one. Be kind and stay together.

Speaker 3: 42:16

Bye. I.